Look Who Got Dressed In The Dark

She may be trying, but that doesn't make it okay

Lovies, what have I said? JUST BECAUSE YOU CANGET IT ON, DOESN’T MEAN IN FITS.

While I appreciate that she can cram herself into the romper that she wore to her fifth birthday and while I do in fact love her black peep toe pumps, I must strongly condemn the pairing.

Fist off, jump suits (or “poopy suits” as we call them around the academy) are only acceptable attire for two people; garbage men and mechanics. Notice that neither of those people are seventeen year old girls at the movie on a date with a boy wearing basketball shorts and a sideways baseball cap.

Not to mention that this particular jump suit is a disaster. Buckled halter neck? Weirdly puckered pockets? Empire height drawstring waist? I’m only shocked that it didn’t also have a cuffed hem.

This dear misguided girl could have rocked this look if only she’d traded the romper for a denim skirt.

- Mistress Kiki

Back fat is not your friend

Love bugs, can we chat?  Here's the deal; all y'all Big Girls are going to make me cry.

I know how hard it is to look fashionable at 118*, believe me. I know too, how hard it is to find trendy clothes in something other than an extra small. But, Poodle, that doesn't make this okay.

There are times, I'm sure when you put on a shirt and look in the mirror and see that you look like a swollen tube of Life Savers and think "damn! I look HOT". I would HOPE that time would only be when you are high. Or drunk. Or possibly experiencing some kind of psychotic break. Like when Tommy Gavin see's Dead People. Because, there is no excuse for this! 

Neither, my dear students is there an excuse for this;

For real. That is in fact back fat escaping from her shirt.  We can only pray to Oprah that the shirts she's scoping out have sleeves. And maybe she can buy one for her friend

I think this crisis has reached an epidemic proportion. In fact, so widespread is the flagrant abuse of sleevelessness that I'm invoking our first dress code rule;

1. No Tube Tops. Ever.

Wrongness Maximus

   

Oh, the wrongness. The shiny, golden, fake jeweled wrongess that is this woman's zipper back calf high too small sandals. I don't think we need to go over why these are so wrong, but just in case you're sitting at home thinking, "Those would look SO CUTE with my black leggings and sequined racer back tee with gold Cleopatra collar and chain belt" let me just assure you, you would be wrong. Class Dismissed.

Harpie Claws Are Always A Don't

   

Is there anything worse than a pretty girl in cute shoes that don't fit? And who hasn't had a pedicure since back when we all thought Rosie and Ellen were just, um, manly?