Look Who Got Dressed In The Dark

A Mutha Effin P-I-M-P is not a fashion "Do"

You know what I used to believe, a long time ago? When I was hopeful and innocent? I used to believe that men were mainly immune to many of the fashion disasters that will land you here, in Study Hall, where you are force fed a diet of Lagerfeld and forced to watch "What Not to Wear" (the British original, of course) until you agreed to no longer offend.

But, then, oh one fateful day, I saw this;

 

And, as you can see, it was enough to make a young girl cry. Or start a web site, which incidentally is why the Academy went web-wide. Because this guy? He's were manpris, shiny white loafers and a rhinestones belt that said "PIMP". Now, it may just be me, but his street cred? Zip. When you're trying do dress like a PIMP you should always ask yourself, "WW5CD"? (That's "What Would 50 Cent Do?") I think we can all safely believe that white loafers is not it.

I consoled myself, however, by believing this poor misguided soul was alone in this fashion "trend". But was he? Of course not. Which is why I drink vodka straight at 9am.  Look for yourself.

See? Even his girlfriend is horrified by them. And his clown pants. You know what? I may actually hate the clown pants more.  Why must his pants be so big? What is he hiding in there? Midgets? NAKED midgets? Naked midgets with fangs who may, at any moment, if given the command, spring forth and attack those who aren't wearing freakishly gigantic pants?

Luckily, this guy

and this guy

are safe.   Do you suppose the weird marking on the ass of their pants are some sort of communication to the naked, fanged midgets?

Personally, my ass is mostly non-communicative. I like it that way. Having survived the "Juicy" years when it seemed like every other girl you saw had a big ol' proclamation right across her heiney, I have often felt that ass communication was an under utilized billboard. As such I present you with these;

http://www.cafepress.com/cp/prod.aspx?p=pbfa.165610874

Classy, right? I know.

Axl Rose Called, He Said He Wants His Look Back

I don't even know where to start. Look for yourselves.

See what I mean? Over-grown 80's bleached out hair, mandals WITH VELCRO, bad posture, Top Gun mirrored glasses (in his mouth - SEXY) it's almost enough to make me cry. Even his friend (of whom you can only glimpse one butt-cheek and offensive mandal) is a no-no. 

As I stood there, mouth open, stammering in shock, he turned toward me and it got oh-so-much worse. For real. Look.

Oh yes. He did go there. ALL THE WAY THERE.

What, pray tell, does he smoke to be able to look at that sunken, patchy haired chest, beer belly and chicken legs and think; "HELL YES! I am SO going to get a Victoria's Secret model with this! And Slash? You can suck my balls, you mop-headed freak! I can scream AND rock velcro'd shoes! Can you? I thought not! BECAUSE THE 80's WILL NEVER DIE. NEVER!".

I bet this lady knows what he's smoking

and I bet she's hiding it in her freakishly tiny (and not pictured) leather backpack to keep it from the Pigs. Because nothing can harsh a buzz like getting 86'd.

~ Kiki

Her Colors Had Better Be "Blush" and "Bashful"

Our own dear Miss Lini went and got herself engaged. In Paris, France, of all the cliche' places.

But, being a generous sister, I have dedicated myself to helping her find only the BEST pink things with which to bedeck her bridesmaids.

As such, I present to you the following;

Obviously, this dress is PERFECT for bridesmaids. Because it is hideous. And Satin. And has poofy, see through sleeves. And bows. Sadly, there was no picture of the back, so I can only PRAY that what appears to be peeking out of the left side of the dress is big, satin, floppy ass-bow. Because my ass? It so needs attention called to it. And the color? D-E-Vine! Who doesn't look fabulous is shiny magenta? If you just said "Anyone who's not Dame Edna" you better just shut your mouth.

So ANYWAY, I'm so pitching this dress as the bridesmaid dress, but also? We need accessories here people.

So I found this stunning hat.

Not nearly as beautiful as those white straw hats you can buy at the fair and then have custom airbrushed, WITH GLITTER, PEOPLE. GLITTER. but it's a start. Granted, I mean, it doesn't have feathers or rhinestones or even a single, solitary sequin, but it's going the right direction. And I have a Bedazzler.

Of course, the most important thing to me is the shoes. I ask you, what says "wedding" more than shoes you find on eBay using the search terms "stripper shoes"? Nothing, that's what. As such, I present you the real find of the day;

Notice how they EXACTLY MATCH the dress? That's no accident. That's what we do around here, bring tasteful, dare I say classy looks to the masses.

You're welcome.

                                                                        ~Kiki